hunting tommy africa

Out on a whim, I decided to escape Vancouver on my days off and head to some alien world like Whistler. I was going to go alone but having a driver is not bad too. I'd hate to freeze my ass off while I wait for the bus in that winter wonderland.

Bon drove all the way while I dream in the passenger's seat. He was deviously manipulated to book the best suite in a bed and breakfast and he hated every minute of it except moments with the jacuzzi and immaculate bedsheets. The reason? It was a bed and breakfast inn, practically someone's mansion made up like a high-classed whore to be sold to the general public.

So we checked out after a night and instead of doing fun activities we could only do in Whistler such as touring the mountains on a snowmobile or ice skating on a lake (because there's not enough snow yet and the lake, is well, still made up of water and not ice), we went shopping. Yep, strolled around a village full of shops and restaurants. Oh and argue about numerous things, mainly because I drive him crazy, like going out of my way to convince him to go find this happening club called Tommy Africa's only to change my mind about it once we get there.

hay

Instead of my brain expanding, I think it shrunk these past four years. Such is a dealer's life.

I only know how to count till 21, anything over than that is too many. Grammar and pronounciation have been reduced to that of a three year old ( "So soli, no do again" ). Perhaps the only thing beneficial was this fine-tuning to the art of body language.

My 'education' pays shit regarding figuring out haloscan.

caramelized blood

Shit happens.

I don't know the truth, because these days, I can hardly believe the lies I tell myself just so I could go on.

But I know a massacre when I see a bloody carcass simply clad in shirt and shorts being hauled off by another in the same uniform.

A classic David versus fucking Goliath story. Only reality hit. What could David do against bullets?

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Of course they'd blame one another. It's the left's fault, no, wait, it's the right one's wrongdoing. They blame Cory, Tingting and whoever Cojuangco there may be. They blame the government and the communists.

Fourteen Filipinos are dead.

One story in the limelight for the moment, the scandal to be forgotten and buried perhaps as fast as these corpses are hidden under the ground.

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http://www.geocities.com/arkibo10/04-asyenda/asyenda.htm

the run-away dental patient

Dear Dental Secretary Caroline,

First, you sent me a postcard. It had some cartoon kids brushing their teeth. At the back was a stamped reminder of my much 'needed' appointment. Then came the phonecalls some of which woke me up while I'm having my really really much needed beauty sleep. That's fine.

Last night, I was on the bus, bobbing my head to "drop it like it's hot" ( yeah I'm into some hiphop now), when you called. One earplug came off yet I still couldn't tear myself away from the beats enough to understand what you were saying. I made out the words "twelve noon", "appointment" and I managed to say "yes" just so you'd shut up and stop convincing me as I was thinking " deep shit".

I came home at about three in the morning, tried to sleep so I could wake up before noon and haul my ass off to your clinic. About three hours passed by, one blog almost remodelled and yet I still couldn't sleep. So I phoned your office to apologize for cancelling our date.

And yes, I do understand your position on the short cancellation notice charge.

fresh

...because it's a whole new year

...oh, alright, fine

because i got bored with the old lay out

ben

Ang kuwentong ito ay nilumot na kung paanong pwedeng nilulumot na rin siguro ang kuwelyo ng damit ni Ben ngayon. Hmm...mabawi nga. Malamang, pagkahubad pa lang niya ng damit ay wala pang trenta minutos nalabhan na iyon at naplantsa pa. Paanong hindi ko iisipin iyon, kasi ba naman, nagpunta sa casino namin ang loko, kadaming sekyu na dala. Sa totoo lang, hindi makalaglag-salawal ang beauty niya. Ewan, baka sa akin lang walang epek. Hindi naman pangit si Ben, eh. Medyo malaman nga lang. At talagang hindi maporma. Wala pang pakialam kung gumalaw, akala mo nasa bahay lang.Dugyutin pa kung manamit. Mukhang hindi naliligo.

Oo, walang iba kung hindi si Ben Affleck. Yabang ko, noh? Sa mga kuwentong showbiz yata mahilig ang Pinoy. Hindi ko pa nakikitang umakyat si Ben sa poker room namin, eh, natunugan ko nang andiyan siya. Paano, iyong mga kasamahan namin sa trabaho, lalo na mga Pinay, eh, hindi matigil sa kadadakdak tungkol sa kanya.

Sa dinami-dami ng tao sa poker room noong Miyerkules, hindi mo naman mapapansin na may artistang dumating. Maliban na lang kung iyon nga, sa kaso ni Ben, susunod-sunod sa kanya ang 'sanglibo't isang guwardiya na akala mo'y kung sino siyang importanteng Pontio Pilato. Siguro natatakot siyang dumugin ng mga libo ring kababaihang umakyat lang sa poker room para masilayan ang mala-Adonis niyang mukha. Talagang ginawan pa siya ng espesyal na mesa, kumpleto kasama ng mga 'velvet ropes to keep away interlopers'. Kahit ang tournament noong araw na iyon ay natigil ng ilang minuto dahil gustong makita ng ibang manlalaro kung paano magdala ng baraha si Ben.

Ano ba ang meron sa isang artista?

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Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ganoon na lang ang pag-iidolo ng mga utaw sa isang istariray. At mas lalong hindi ko maintindihan kung paanong ang isang mag-aaral ng dakilang unibersidad ng British Columbia ay sumagot ng ganito sa interbyu.Teka, kaunting filler muna sa background ng pang-ookray ko.

Si Ben, na hindi ko pa rin alam ang apelyido hanggang ngayon, kasintahan ng kaibigan kong si Mayuka, intsik at matangkad, okay lang naman kahit medyo mahiyain dahil alam kung siya ang kasiyahan ng kaibigan ko.

Si Ben, na kung saan magsuot si Mayuka ay nandoon din. Nag-aaral umintindi ng Hapones mula sa kanyang kasintahang Hapon at nag-ambisyong sumali't maging isa sa mga ehekutibong tagapangasiwa ng organisasyong Hapon. Dahil siyempre, para makasama ang kanyang irog.Si Ben, na naghahanap ng pansamantalang trabaho ngayon, para lang palamutian ang kanyang resumé para makakuha siya ng trabaho sakaling magtapos siya sa susunod na taon mula sa kursong komersiyo.

Ewan ko na lang kung paano siya makakahanap ng trabaho kung ganitong hindi niya kayang mambola.

Tanong ng taong nag-iinterbyu sa kanya:

" Why do you want to be an executive in our Japanese Club? "

Ang tahasang sagot ng hindi marunong magsinungaling na Ben:"

Because my girlfriend is Japanese. "

shopping spree celebrity

I admit I'm a bit retarded sometimes. Alright, pardon my inappropriateness. I'm a bit slow on picking up things, not to mention I forget easily.

Thinking that I'm suppose to start my shift at three in the afternoon, of course, I'd show up before three and march with my co-workers up the poker room, report to the supervisor to check our assigned tables and rotations. Thing is, I'm not suppose to start at three. More like four hours after that. Cheeks aflame adorned by that silly smile, I went back downstairs to the break room got my stuff from my locker and proceeded to head back home.

Only to remember that I did win that five hundred dollar gift certificate from a nearby mall. I went back and asked for it. Mandy, the human resources officer smiled warmly then handed me a media release form.

" Excuse me?"

" Oh, we have to take your picture, preferably with one of the general managers. Then post it in public."

Fine.

She made me wait while she looked for a digital camera, somewhere in this vast casino of ours. After a century had passed she decided to come back. Now, it's time to badger one of the general managers - Barry. I didn't even know he was my boss until now. Maybe I've cut in line during dinner time in front of him and offended him in some way by not saying hi or acknowledging in some situation that he was my boss. I was standing there with my fake smile trying to hide those weird thoughts that were spinning in my head. She introduced us, then made us stand in the corner. I audaciously asked her if we were to pretend that the general manager was handing me the prize. She nodded her head vigorously in assent.

" Okay, ready...one, two, three, four...cheese!"

Seriously, who counts till four just to take a picture? By then, the model's smile would melt to a frown.

" Oops, I think the batteries are dying..."

That was so not a good sign. It meant that I might have to come back and deal with these people again. It meant that I might not have to enjoy a shopping spree for four hours before I've to get to work while the rest of the children in Africa were purging their stomachs out due to hunger.
It turned out that she just didn't know how to work the camera properly.

Anyway, we got it over with, amidst my snickering at the silliness of the situation. Barry was not so bad as a boss, he has humor. We said our goodbye's and thank you's and I left to buy my green mini Ipod. Yey.

By the time I got back to work again around seven, everybody that I knew , or actually ,almost everybody at the casino knew about my prize and wanted a cut ( only kidding, of course, but I'm sure, if I'd give them a percentage, they won't say no). The walls were vandalized by my picture. My ego was truly boosted to new heights that night. I was suddenly miss popular. Even people I don't usually engage in a conversation were talking to me just because of that ridiculous pose. Seriously though, it was embarrassing.

soap opera episode 004

Kung nanonood lang ang mga diyos sa pelikula ng buhay ko, malamang, matagal na nilang minura ang pinilakang tabing. Hmmm...sa kabilang banda, siguro mas maaliw sila. Kasi naman, sobrang drama talaga. Ang daming kaekekan. Ako nga nasusuka paminsan sa mga kadramahan ng buhay ko.Tamo na lang ha. Di nga nilayasan ako ng magaling kong siyota. Pumunta ng 'Pinas. Tinakbuhan ang kaarawan ko. Eh di sabi ko, split muna kami. Ngayon, nasa trabaho ako. Nakapatay na telepono ko. Siya lang naman kasi ang tumatawag sa akin ng ganoong oras ng gabi. Kumbaga naisip ko na sayang lang ang baterya, at dahil wala siya sa bangkuber. Aba, nabuksan ko nang pauwi na ako. May voice messages daw ako. Tatlo. Ang unang dalawang voice message, binabaan lang ang tunog. Putris na 'to sa isip-isip ko, kaya nga naimbento ang lintek na voicemail, eh, para mag-iwan ka ng mensahe. Nang sa gayon, matawagan ka pabalik ng walang muwang na tinawagan mo. Bura tuloy ako ng bura. Mga taong 'to di nag-iisip, inaaksaya pa oras ko. Pagdating ng ikatlong mensahe, hulaan mo kung sino.

Si Bon.

" Hey, uh...Kathy ( parang nakalimutan pa niya pangalan ko), it's Bon, calling. I got your messages.."

Balik tayo doon sa mga iniwan kong mensahe.

Message 1" Hey Bon, it's Kathy calling. Call me back, duh."

Message 2" Hey Bon, it's Kathy calling. I'm just worried about you. Call me back, please. Okay, bye"Message 6" Bon, it's been bloody three days now. I think you're in fucking Philippines, so yeah, might as well fucking split up then."

Tinawagan ko ulit siya.Hindi ko pa sinasabi sa inyo, bata pa lang ako mahilig na ko sa away. Hindi naman sa mahilig. Lapitin lang ako ng kumplikasyon. Kaya nga basagulera, eh (bansag ng guro ko noong ikalimang baitang). Ano pa, eh di nakipag-away ako.

" I'm not gonna bother with you anymore, Bon. "
" I got mugged in the airport, got stranded."

Pinaiyak pa ako.

" Get to my house then. If you don't, then don't bother calling me anymore."

Sumakay nga ng taksi, sumakay ng tren. Kaso mo, iyong tren, hindi pupunta doon sa pupuntahan niya. Wala nang biyahe dahil disoras na ng gabi. Dito, sa " the best place to live on earth" kuno, natutulog ang mga tren. Bahala ka na kung wala kang masakyan kahit holdap ang presyo ng buwanang pasahe. Ngayon walang masakyan 'tong si Bon. Malas niya talaga. Ginising pa niya iyong kaibigan niya para lang ihatid siya. Naging sadista pa ako ngayon.

Pagdating niya ng bahay, pinapasok ko agad.

" Let me see your face "

Pumayat siya. Isang linggo lang, ha. Mukha nga yatang natuluyan sa takot 'to. Ewan ko pero nang hinarap niya na ako, bigla na lang umigkas ang kamay ko't kusa siyang sinampal. Tahimik ang gabi at maririnig mo ang plak isang kanto mula sa bahay namin. Oh di ba, drama.Hindi na ako galit sa kanya. Tapos na iyon, eh. At ewan ko kung pagpapakagaga nga itong ginagawa kong pakikisama sa kanya. Basta ang mahalaga, kami.

mini reklamo kay Alfie

Biyernes

Ginising ako ng telepono ko. Ewan ko, ha. Kung kailan akong nasa kasarapan talaga ng tulog, saka naman ako mabubulabog ng tawag. Galing daw sa trabaho. Lintek, naisip ko. Dapat ba akong magtrabaho ngayon at ginigising nila ako?

Sa babae iyong boses. Hindi ko naman kakilala. Michelle daw. Galing sa departamento ng human resources. May atraso ba ako?

" I called to tell you that you won?"

Ha? Nanalo daw ako ng gift certificate na nagkakahalaga ng limang daang dolyar mula sa isang mall dito. Okay. Sa buong buhay ko, ngayon lang ako nanalo sa isang contest na bunutan nang pangalan. Yey. Ayos na ang panggastos ko para sa mga regalo sa Pasko.
Makukuha ko sa Linggo o Lunes.
Hindi na ako nakatulog ulit.

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Tinanong sa akin ng mga kaibigan ko kung anong gusto kong regalo. Sabi ko scanner. Noong nasa tindahan na kami, nagbago isip ko bigla. Bibili na lang ako ng mini Ipod. Sabi ko bigyan na lang nila akong pera pambayad doon. Tapos nabanggit ko, noong binabayaran ko na, na nanalo ako ng $500 nga. Napatigil si Johnny.

" Why don't you just get your certificate then look for it in Richmond Centre instead of here?"

O nga naman. Ang engot ko talaga. Eh kaso, nabili ko na. Kaya hayan, ang mini Ipod, nakatunganga lang sa kuwarto ko, nasa loob ng kahong selyado pa. Isosoli ko na lang kapag sigurado na akong makukuha ko nga ito ng libre sa ibang tindahan gamit ang certificate na napanalunan ko daw.

Ewan ko na lang kung bibigyan pa ako ng regalo nito.

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Kumain kami sa Cactus Club. Okay naman ang pagkain doon, kaso ang ingay. Sobra. Bukod sa mga dakdakan ng mga kustomer ay malakas pa ang musika. Dapat ambience lang, eh. Tradisyon na namin kasing magkakaibigan na kumain at manood ng sine kapag mayroong may kaarawan. Pagkatapos kong lantakan ang libreng ribs dumiretso kami sa sinehan. Dapat Team America panonoorin namin kaso napanood na ni Johnny. Okay lang naman daw mapanood niya ulit kaso si Mayuka, nasayangan sa pera. Ayoko naman ng cartoons ( The Incredibles). Ayaw rin ila ng korning Saw. Ako rin ayaw ko. Mala-Hannibal Lecter iyong kuwento yata. Mas maiging basahin kaysa panoorin. Iyong Bridget Jones naman puno na daw. Kaya napasok kami sa Alfie. Tungkol sa playboy. Hindi naantig ang damdamin ko, hindi rin naman ako natawa. Napaismid lang, napangiti. Kumabaga parang walang kinang ang sine. Ulam na walang asin. Kahit sagot nila, pinagsisihan kong nanood kami ng sine ng araw na iyon.

panayang ng espasyo

Wala nang kuwenta talaga ang mga pinagsususulat ko. Makinilyang mekaniko na lang ang nangyayari. Bawat tipa ng letra'y nagluluwal ng mga salitang walang kaluluwa. Hindi ko alam kung saan nag-ugat ang pagkawala ng damdamin ng mga akda ko. Marahil, ngayon, nagbago na naman ako, mas naging ako't nabawasan ng pakiramdam. Teka...ang drama.Hindi ko alam. Ni isang sandali ng buhay ko'y malimit dumapo ang ligaya. Suicidal.
Takot naman akong magpakamatay. Iniisip kong hindi ko kayang sumuko. Ipinanganak yata akong palaban, kahit talo na'y sige pa rin. Puro pasa na't malakas na ang agos ng luha't sipon ay sige pa rin. Masyado akong mayabang (lahat daw ng maliliit ganoon, tamo boss ko, may higanteng pick-up, eh kailangan pa niya ng hagdanan para lang makapasok doon). Tamo, kapal ng mukha kong mag-blog, wala naman akong masabing may kwenta.
May patutunguhan ba to?Lahat ng ideya'y gamit na. Pinagsawaan nang ikuwento ng iba. Isang sirkulo lang iyan, asong ulol na naghahabol ng buntot. Paulit-ulit lang.Gaya ng mga letra dito.
Ano, nabawasan na ba ng ilang minuto ang buhay mo?Hindi ka makakahanap ng katuturan dito.Teka nga...ang gulo na.

sugapa

Dealer ako ng poker. Uso na naman sa North America 'tong larong 'to. Makikita mo sa telebisyon ang libong tournament na may libong manlalaro. Padami ng padami ang mga taong nag-iisip na mas makakakita sila ng pera sa paglalaro ng poker kaysa sa pagtratrabaho. Sama mo na ako doon.Totoo naman.Biro mo, para kang athlete, maglalaro ka lang, may bayad na. Kaso pera mo ang puhunan, wala kang makukuhang sponsor maliban na lang kung talagang sikat ka at kinuha kang model/spokeperson/representative ng bagong linya ng cap o di naman kaya'y sunglasses. (Kasi karamihan ng poker players mga lalaki na walang fashion sense, tingin nila cool ang magtago sa likod ng salamin at sombrero. Kaso mo wala namang poker player ang magpapauto na bumili ng sombrero't salamin na pinapauso ng sikat kuno na poker player.)Hanap-buhay na talaga nila iyon. Pupunta sa casino't maglalaro, bibingwit ng mga uto-uto't bobong mga manlalarong magpapamudmod ng pera nila. Nakikita ko iyon. Kapag umuuwi ang ibang manlalaro, maliit na ang limang daan bawat gabi. Wala pang kaltas ng buwis iyon mula sa gobyerno. Buong buo mong makukuha. Siyempre dahil nga ang titulo mo'y unemployed kapag ganoon ang 'hanapbuhay' mo, wala kang babayaran para sa medikal mong pangangailangan. Pwede ka pang humingi ng sustento sa gobyerno. Kasi nga 'wala kang makitang trabaho'.Mukhang madali lang namang maglaro, eh. Kung kaya't noong nagyaya kanina si Vivian, sumama akong maglaro. Punta nga kaming blueboy. Slang iyon para sa The Grand Casino. Ewan bakit blueboy tawag. Ang liit lang ng kasino na iyon. Pangit pa. Luma na ang carpet, walang gaanong naglalaro at medyo madumi tingnan. Bugnutin pa ang mga dealer. Hindi man lang makangiti. Isang oras kaming naghintay ni Vivian at Chris para lang makaupo sa isang poker table. Andoon pa mga supervisor namin. Ano ba yan. Lumiliit ang mundong pinagsusugalan namin. Aaminin kong sugal na talaga ito. Madalas kasi, kapag lumalabas kami ng mga kaibigan ko'y laro lang talaga ang ginagawa ko. Ngayon, seryosohan na.Ilang beses din naman akong nanalo. Nanginginig pa nga ang mga kamay ko. Nagpuhunan akong sisenta, nadoble ko pera ko. Hindi na masama dahil kung tutuusin dalawang oras lang naman kami sa mesa. Kumabaga sa pumapatak ng kuwarenta dolyares ang presyo ng isang oras kong 'trabaho'. Kung sana'y may lakas lang ako ng loob, aaraw-arawin ko talaga itong pagsusugal.

birthday cakes

Mukha yata akong patay-gutom pa rin. Siguro gusto nila akong patabain. Kasi lahat ng mga friendly friends ko, well karamihan sa mga nag-abala, cake ang ibinigay. Hindi naman ako nagrereklamo, nagtataka lang. Noong Sabado, dahil pilay si Teresa at hindi makapaglamyerda, sa bahay na lang nila kami. May inuman pa rin, pero hindi ako naglasing. Ayoko nang mamaga ang mga kamay ko't mangati na naman. Nagluto siya at for dessert, hayan na. Cake, cake at cake pa rin. ( At sinama ako sa pagsisimba)Pagdating sa trabaho, co-workers kong nakakaalam, bigay sa akin, cake. Heto ngayon, habang sinusulat ko, nginangata ko yung espresso mocha flavor daw (espresso na nga, mocha pa). Sa mga talagang matagal-tagal ko nang nagiging kaibigan, sana naman hindi lang cake bibigay nila. Sawa na ako sa cake. Oo na nga, reklamadora talaga ako. Kasi gusto ko ng scanner. Tinanong pa nila ako kung anong gusto ko, ha. Sana bigay na lang nila sa akin. Mura lang naman iyon. Pag walang scanner pera na lang. Malalaman ko sa Biyernes kung pera ba o scanner ang ibibigay nila. Ngayon sinasabi ko na gusto ko, last year kasi, mahahalay binibigay nilang regalo noong sinabi kong kahit ano na lang maisipan nilang ibigay. At least ngayon, hindi ko na kailangang i-plaster ang ngiti sa mukha ko. Sana. (* Hindi nakatulong ang pagsisimba sa pagbabawas ng pagkamateryoso ko)

dugtong dugtong na bugtong

Napakaraming bakit ang sumisiksik sa isipan ko. Nagkakauntugan na nga sila, nagkakapalitan na ng anghit. Padami ng padami ang populasyon ng bakit, samahan pa ng mga bastardong papaano. Hindi ako mapakali, kausap ko na ang boss ko, iyon at iyon pa rin ang lumilitaw, pilit na humuhulagpos at bumabalot sa kukote ko. Kaya naman kahit sa pagtulog, ikaw na lang ang nasa isip ko. Hindi maikakaila, nag-iwan ka ng bakat na sadyang hndi na siguro mabubura. Magaling ka ring pumili ng tiyempo, kaya naman kahit galit ako sa iyo, bilib pa rin ako. Siniguro mong hindi kita makakalimutan. At sigurado ako, bawat paglapit ng kaarawan ko'y ikaw ang maaalala ko. Alam ko, lilipas din ito. Lahat naman ng bagay may hangganan. Darating rin ang panahon na burado ka na sa aking gunita. Pero sa ngayon, makukuntento muna akong sinasampal ka sa mga panaginip ko.

fairies and whores-halloween weekend entry

Friday

The poker room was packed. It was hella ass hot. And most people are on tilt, which means they are irritated about not making money on the game. My supervisor took me to the side and told me I had to stay. I argued with him that I can't do overtime. I have to come back at seven in the fucking morning because the so-called human resources officers don't give a shit about our circadian circles. Of course I gave him the short version of that reason. I'm not about to commit employment suicide at this point because I am desperate for a job to fund my excesses. It's either they let me go now or they have to pay me double time when I have to work at seven the following morning. So he let me go.

Besides Bon was waiting for me downstairs. I don't want to give out excuses to my boyfriend when he went out of his way just to pick me up.

Saturday

Morning

Bon came home at three in the morning. Woke my ass up with his cold hands.

" Don't forget, you promised to take me to work at six."

He could barely put on clothes after three hours so I had to call my friend to drive me to work. Vivian was still sleeping. If I hadn't called her, she would have missed the day entirely. She picked me up at the skytrain after seven minutes, puffy faced and altogether edgy.

"Put on your seatbelt." That was all she said then drove madly down the highway. We made it in time, enough time to eat breakfast.

Afternoon

I've learned to be a bitch regarding my job. I've talked back to players and gave them attitude just so they can shut up. I'm afraid I've become jaded with this work of mine. Maybe it's better to crunch up numbers after all.

I got out and headed straight to downtown. Johnny paged me that his friend John had an extra ticket to his co-worker's halloween birthday bash. I accepted and thus this emergency shopping spree. All my cash was eaten up by shopping online. A quick fix was needed. Being a fairy was inexpensive. I already have the weird skimpy clothes. All I have to get are seven dollar wings and some 99 cent glitter.

Night

It took two hours just to apply the drag queen make-up. I had fase lashes, stars on my face and glowing skin. More like sticky skin. Not to mention the gagging smell of hairspray on my now silver hair. I surveyed my reflection in front of the looking glass one last time to the tune of Johnny's car honking. A scary fairy. Something to grant you nightmares not dreams. Oh well.

I forgot there was pubcrawl during helloween. A bunch of college kids would get together in a bus and hop from one club to the next. By the time we got to Aubar, it was already packed. The crowd consisted of college kids, college drop-outs and old-timers who'd want to hit on college kids and drop-outs. I had to fight my way to get in since some drunks tried to grab my gothic scary fairy ass. I'm supposed to be weird, not cute and cuddly. Fuck off.

We met up with Leah and apparently it was her birthday bash. I was surprised when I saw her, not because of her 'classy whore' ( as aptly named by herself ) moulin rouge inspired outfit but because of the fact that we work together. She was in guest services at the same casino, a friend of John's. Small world. John didn't tell me that she worked for gcc (great canadian casinos) too. We hardly talk at work and there we were, laughing and grinding on the dance floor.

Midnight came with Michael Jackson screaming- " Thriiileeer, thriieeeler, night!". Somebody dropped a drink and there were broken glass everywhere yet nobody seemed to notice.

there was that something

There was that something. That certain something. A tingling at the back of my consciousness slowly scratching its way to the surface of my irises till it will, surely, gnaw at my very own lips. I can't grab its claws, stare it in the eye and ultimately send it to oblivion. There is that fear of losing what is familiar though it only serves to give me this itch. Impulsively, I ended it. Telling myself that there is nothing that I need save for myself alone. And that's how it's going to be from now on, alone, without that certain something, gnawing at my own lips. That very same certain something that cradles me close and keeps the nightmares away.